Sunday, January 2, 2011

Left My Heart in the Portland Rain

You say: "how does it feel to be traveling?
How's it feel to live your life on a train?
And the aeroplane?"
Well, I ain't gonna' lie to you
Well, every town is all the same
When you've left your heart in the Portland rain...
“Paul’s Song” M. Ward

A little over a week ago, I packed my bags and said goodbye to Portland. My last day was filled with hugs, tears, “see you laters” and a lot of goodbyes. I fell in love with Portland…the coffee, the food, the outdoor activities, my friends…so it was hard to say goodbye (or see you later) to my life there. I know I will keep in touch with my friends over the next year, but it is always hard to say goodbye and also know that I am never see some of them ever again. I feel like people come in and out of your lives, but they all play such an important part of shaping who we are. Perhaps it is an amazing friendship, a deep love or maybe it is just a memorable conversation. All of those people play a part in helping us become who we were meant to be. So I want to thank all of those who influenced me…good or bad…thank you! 

When the plane rolled away from the gate in Portland, I was a mix of excitement, nervousness, sadness and intoxication (thanks Kate.) After takeoff, I looked down and saw the lights of Portland. The city looked so small and it made all of my problems seem so tiny and trivial. Perhaps the plane taking is a metaphor for me taking off on my journey and soaring to great heights. I am going places – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It was hard to not look back on the lights of the city. But at that moment, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t look back. Instead, I would be present in the moment and look forward to the future.  The plane then climbed above the clouds and just like that Portland was gone. 

When I announced that I was moving to New Zealand, I had numerous people tell me I was having an “Eat, Pray, Love” moment.  I haven’t finished reading the book, but my Mom and I watched the movie tonight.  In the movie, the main character said, “Ruin is the road to transformation.” Perhaps this is true.  Maybe everything has to come “crashing down” in order for things to truly change (for the better.)  So as I leave my heart in Portland, without a job and very little money in my wallet…I can only hope that I am transforming into the person I meant to be.

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of “Eat, Pray Love” also offered this great quote about the Physics of the Quest.

"‎"...I've come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call "The Physics of The Quest"- a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: "If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared - most of all -to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself....then truth will not be withheld from you." Or so I've come to believe." 

So here I go on my truth-seeking journey!

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