Atlas

“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it’s yours.” ~Quote from “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Ran

It hurts, it hurts badly…my back that is. Apparently I was a little rough on my body over the last 30-some years and now I am paying for it. It’s hard to say what caused my spinal alignment issues. I am

tremendously clumsy and could have been injured from several falls. It could be from the years of strenuous outdoor and recreational activities. Or I could blame it on my most recent stint in childcare. Lugging a stroller and baby up and down the subway steps in NYC cannot be good for anyone’s back. At this point it doesn't matter, I just know that I am in a lot of pain. However, this blog is not for me to whine about my back problems. It is about looking for the signs and the meaning behind the current situation.

I had a recent appointment with my bodyworker (who will remain nameless because he is already in high demand.) He informed me that my spine was twisted and I had several vertebras and ribs out of place, including my C1 vertebra (the Atlas.) I cannot even begin to explain what it feels like to have someone put that little guy back in place. But since the appointment, I have been thinking a lot about the “atlas.”

In anatomy, the atlas (C1) is the most superior vertebra of the spine. This vertebra forms the joint that connects the skull and the spine. It is named after Atlas in Greek mythology because it supports the globe of the head. When the atlas is out of alignment, your whole world is literally out of whack.

I was intrigued that the name of a body part stems from Greek mythology, so I decided to do some research. Atlas was one of the second-generation Titans. He personified the quality of endurance. It is said that he led a rebellion against Zeus and was therefore condemned to bear the heavens upon his shoulders. Others believe that he was appointed guardian of the pillars, which held the earth and sky asunder.

This pictorial depiction of Atlas also peaked my interest. As he bears the weight of the world, he clearly feels pain in his back (as would anyone.) The serpent is also an interesting addition. I didn’t research the actual meaning of the snake, but to me it represents kundalini. Kundalini is described within Eastern traditions as “an indwelling spiritual energy that can be awakened in order to purify the subtle system and ultimately bestow to a state of Divine Union.” The Yoga Upanishad describe Kundalini as “lying coiled at the base of the spine, represented as either a goddess or sleeping serpent waiting to be awakened.” I do believe that we do all have this energy sleeping inside of us. It is just a matter if we decide to wake up and let our true energy ignite. To me, Atlas’ kundalini is fully awake due to his direct connection to the heavens.

In no way do I compare myself to a Greek Titan, but I do relate to the idea of bearing the weight of the heavens on my shoulders. I feel a connection to a voice deep inside me. This voice (or my intuition) has guided me on a pretty crazy journey thus far. However, it has also led me to the realization that my life purpose is to be of service. I realize this is a broad statement, but numerous people have told me that I am a “healer.” My initial response was, “WTF?! A healer? What does that even mean?” However, over time I have come to realize that this is my calling. I am meant to help others heal…physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It is just who I am and what I am meant to do.

But here is the problem…where do I begin? How do I help others? How do I become a non-traditional healer and still be able to pay my rent? I have been on this path since 2010, but some days I feel further away from fulfilling my purpose and doing my life’s work. I just need a map to tell me which way to go! Which ironically brings me back to the word “atlas.” According to the dictionary, an atlas is “a book of maps or charts.” 

As I find myself at another crossroads, I keep thinking that a map would be really nice (even if it was written in German.) But where is the fun in knowing what lies ahead, right?!

I think my biggest fear is that I will wake up one day and think “what if”, “if only” or “I wish I had.” I don’t want to live for one-day. I want to live right now, in this moment. I distinctly remember a conversation I had with a friend right before I left New Zealand. I was sitting on the step scribbling in my journal and he asked what I was writing. I excitedly replied that I was writing a list of all the things I want to do or accomplish one day. He looked at me with a judgmental (yet encouraging) facial expression and then told me to not live my life for "one day." It’s too easy to push your dreams and desires off and keep saying “one day I will…”. Live in the moment. Do it today!

That conversation has stuck with me. Yet, here I am again...saying one day I will start my own business…one day I will do what I love… One day I will “be a healer.” I have come to the realization that all of these things won’t just happen. I have to take small steps to get there. And with the state of the union (my back), smalls steps are all that I can take right now. So if you’re still reading, I encourage each and everyone of you to take that first step. Follow that first step with other small actions steps toward reaching your goals, fulfilling your purpose and living the life you have only dreamed of. But don’t forget to enjoy the journey as well.

So I will leave you with this…

“I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.” ~Ayn Ran

"She still aint awake...but she is grinnin..."

"The brave don't live forever, but the cautious don't live at all."

Every once in awhile something crosses my path that truly speaks to me. It could be a quote, a song, a person, or an experience. This week it was a documentary called The Crash Reel. I stumbled upon this movie at a very interesting time. It has been haunting me and I just can't seem to shake it...so when I can't escape something, the best thing I can do is write about it.

This documentary is about the life of U.S. snowboarding champion, Kevin Pearce. It documents the challenges he endures after a near-fatal accident in Park City, Utah. The film follows Kevin and his family as he suffers from a Traumatic Brain injury and recovers from the accident. This is not just another ski/snowboarding movie. It is a film about strength, the human spirit and family. Even if you have no interest in snow sports, I highly recommend The Crash Reel (plus the soundtrack is amazing.)

I just celebrated my 34th birthday up at Stevens Pass Ski Area. It was an amazing day of skiing with great friends. As I struggled to ski waste deep powder, I was reminded how lucky I was to be able to celebrate my birthday in such an exhilarating way. The day of my birthday also marks the two-year anniversary of an avalanche at Stevens Pass that deeply impacted people who mean a lot to me. New York Times writer, John Branch, was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his article "Snow Fall: The Avalanche at Tunnel Creek." As Stevens Pass received over 10 feet of snow in 10 days this past week, it also lost another member of it's team to an unfortunate accident. Ken Kelley fell and hit his head while snowboarding. My deepest sympathy to the friends and family of those lost.

The events of this last week and the documentary are just reminders of how lucky I am.

To date, I have suffered from one severe concussion, two moderate concussions and two mild concussions. Each concussion was such a freak accident. I am truly fortunate to be alive and well. However, each time I hit my head I can definitely tell that something changes and I am not the person I was before. My memory has drastically declined and I find it more difficult to make complete sentences and remember words (that I once knew). After a few of the hits, I couldn't clearly communicate or read for days. I also dealt with anger and depression during those times.

My first concussion happened back in April of 2009. The World's Toughest Cowboy was in Portland and that week I was doing PR/promotions with members of the tour. By the end of the week, I had become pretty good friends with Kenny the Rodeo Clown and Chuck-wagon Racer. He was eager to hit Mt. Hood while he was in town, so I offered to take him up on our day off. The conditions were good in the morning and we had a great half day of riding. Like most days on the mountain, we went in for lunch and enjoyed some local brew. During lunch the clouds moved in, but we decided to go up for a couple more runs before we headed down the mountain. When we got to the top of the chairlift the Ski Patroller told us it was the last run because they were closing due to heavy winds.

The wind was so strong that it knocked me over, so I sat by the top of the lift and waited for the gust to die down. The next thing I knew I was laying on the ground. When I opened my eyes I saw metal and a crowd of people standing around me. It was a freak accident. The wind was so strong that it picked up one of the Ski Patrol metal sleds, propelled it through the air and hit the back of my head. They walked me over to the Ski Patrol shack and put me on oxygen. I might have been a little bit tipsy form the beer, but I was definitely out of it. I remember being really angry at the Ski Patrollers for asking me so many questions.

"She still aint awake...but she is grinnin..." ~Facebook post on April 1, 2009 by Kenny

I was determined that I was going to snowboard down the mountain because I refused to "be wrapped up like a burrito in the sled that caused my injury." After awhile, I realized I wasn't going to win that one because I was in no shape to ride. So they wrapped me in the sled and started the trek down the mountain. As if things weren't bad enough, half way down the run the wind knocked over the Ski Patroller and the sled I was riding in flipped over. There I was laying face down in the snow...again! That night I miraculously made it home safely and went to bed. 

The next few days were rough. I was extremely nauseous, foggy and weak. I was in and out of doctor appointments and had to recruit friends to take me because I was too out of it to drive. I will never forget when I was waiting for my CT scan and the receptionist gasped. She turned to her co-worker and said, "Did you hear that Natasha Richardson just died? She was skiing and fell and hit her head." That was the last thing you want to hear as you wait to see how your own brain is doing. It took several months for me to get back to normal. 

Ever since that fateful day I have had a string of freak accidents. The hatch of a car fell on me, I got kicked in the side of the head while swing dancing, and I fell this summer while wakesurfing. My second worst concussion happened while I was in living in New Zealand. I was snowboarding out of bounds and it was extremely icy. I thought I was safe because I was skiing with friends who worked for Ski Patrol and the Medical Clinic. However, I quickly realized they were much faster than me and I was falling behind. While trying to keep up, I caught an edge and my head flew back and hit the ice. Luckily I was wearing a helmet because my head carved a 6" inch deep hole out of the ice. I didn't black out, but I definitely felt off after the crash. The concussion symptoms worsened over the next few days. I lost my speech, couldn't read, and I was extremely angry and tired. I remember going to work and trying to help a customer. They asked me a question about goggles and I couldn't answer because I couldn't remember the words and put a sentence together. 

Snowboarding at Mt Ruapehu in New Zealand in July 2012

In all honesty, I don't feel like I am the same person I was before each of the accidents. It is extremely frustrating at times. I find that I sometimes struggle to read children's books to Alta, I find it difficult to form sentences when I talk to my friends, and well, my memory is just shot. I am not comparing myself to Kevin Pearce in any way, but I do relate to his frustration as he tries to learn to adapt to his new brain. I also understand his desire to keep riding. Yes, I suppose I should sit home on the weekends and protect my head. However, I have such a passion for outdoor activities. What is a girl to do?

Life is short. Enjoy it, but be smart. Protect your brain. Say a prayer. And always tell the people you care about that you love them.

My Eulogy: Life is a Daring Adventure or Nothing

A couple weeks ago, I was asked to write my own eulogy for class. My first thought was, "what a morbid assignment!" However, I quickly learned that it was anything but morbid. It gave me an opportunity to explore my heart's desires and what I want my life to have been when it is all said and done.

The purpose of this exercise is to see how you can improve your existence now in order to reach your goals. You ask yourself, "What you would want others to know, believe and say about you once you have passed on?" It allowed me to think about my dreams today being manifested and accomplished in the future. Once it was written, we were then asked:

• How am I living my life today that will lead to this outcome?
• Where am I holding back waiting for "someday?"

It's a powerful exercise and I encourage you all to try it. If writing a eulogy is not for you, think about creating a bucket list. Here is the list I created in 2010: http://amyisbreakingalltherules.blogspot.com/2010/11/aut-viam-inveniam-aut-faciam.html 

It's amazing to see how many things I have already accomplished.

My eulogy:

Our beloved, Amy Corrine Carrier, was a loving mother, adored wife, kind-hearted daughter, supportive sister, true friend and gifted healer. 

Amy lived by Helen Keller's quote, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing.” She was a gypsy at heart and spent her life traveling the world. With each new destination and home, she touched the lives of those she met. She dedicated her life to helping those in need. No challenge was too big or too small. Amy's compassion and generosity stretched far and wide. She started her Mind Body Wellness practice later in life, but had such a powerful impact on her clients and the world at large. 

Amy was a devoted wife and traveled the world with her husband. Together they set out on a mission to help others and often put others' needs before their own. It was not long into their travels that their first child arrived. Amy's natural connection to children made her the most loving and nurturing mother. The birth of her second child was just as special. She always said that the greatest accomplishment of her life was being a mother. She truly looked up to her own mother and father and knew the importance of developing a loving household.

Amy's late-mother, Linda, often described her as a hummingbird. Like the beautiful bird, she flew rapidly from one location to the next. Often her wings were moving too fast for the human eye to observe, but when she perched herself on a branch you could see what beauty she possessed and how delicate she truly was.

Amy will truly be missed. Although her physical experience has come to an end, her spirit will live on.

My 4-Year-Old Hero

"If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales."

~Albert Einstein

My niece MacKenna is one of the most amazing people I have the privilege to know. She puts truth in the statement – wise beyond her years. She is a thinker, an innovator, a creator, a leader and she is only four.

In 2011, MacKenna started to experience pain and visible swelling in her knee and joints. After months of doctors’ visits and unanswered questions, my sister and brother-in-law turned to the Minnesota Children’s Hospital staff for answers. It was at that time she was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA), which is a term used to describe a type of arthritis in children. It is a long-term (chronic) disease resulting in joint pain and swelling.

According to A.D.A.M. Medical Encyclopedia, the cause of JRA is not known. It is thought to be an autoimmune illness. This means the body's immune system mistakenly attacks and destroys healthy body tissue. JRA usually occurs before age 16 and symptoms may start as early as 6 months old.

The doctors put her on several medications, including a weekly shot which MacKenna calls “the poke.” To say the least, it has been a challenging couple of years for my family.

In good news, MacKenna went to Children's last week and was told that the arthritis was in remission. To stabilize her improved status, she will continue her medication for an additional year. The story below is based on actual events in MacKenna’s life. The names and some of the details are fictional, but for the most part this is a true story.

HALLOWEEN

Written By Amy Carrier

The Proud Aunt of MacKenna Lynn Guptil

She had been looking forward to this day for months. Kylie could no longer contain her excitement. She swiftly opened her closet door and searched for the white box labeled “Halloween.” She stood on the balls of her feet as she extended her arms to the sky in attempt to reach the box. The small-framed 3-year-old was far from reaching the treasure, but she jumped in the air as a last ditch effort to reach it. Kylie lost her balance and tumbled into closet. The various toys, games and articles of clothing came tumbling down on top of her.

Her mother heard the commotion from the kitchen and came running into Kylie’s room. There she found an angelic face buried in a pile of stuffed animals and toys staring back her. Kylie’s soft blonde curls and indigo eyes made her seem like a fragile doll.

“Are you okay Kylie?”

“Oh yes Mommy, I was just trying to reach my costume.” Kylie pointed to the top shelf. “Can you PLEEAASSEE help me?” Her mother couldn’t resist Kylie’s smile, which stretched ear to ear on her petite porcelain face.

Her mother reached the Halloween box down and placed it on the floor between them. Teasingly she said, “Are you sure you want to open the box?” Kylie, almost bursting with excitement screamed, “Yes Mommy! Please open the box!”

Her mother opened the box to reveal Kylie’s princess costume. She had decided months earlier that she was to be Belle from Beauty and the Beast for Halloween.

Kylie dropped to her knees and reached into the box. She slowly pulled out a miniature dress that was covered in yellow and pink lace. It was a replica of Belle’s dress. Kylie held it up to her chest as she stood up and started spinning around the room. She stopped and looked at her mom with her cheeky little smile.

“I am going to be the prettiest princess in the land.” She squealed.

“Yes, yes the prettiest princess in all the land.” Her mother repeated trying to mask the quiver in her voice and the tear that escaped down her cheek.

~~

The sun was setting over the neighborhood and the street lamps were starting to glow. Little Batmans, cowboys and Tinker Bells started to emerge from the beige cookie-cutter houses that lined the street. Kylie stood at the bottom on the stairs peeking out the window. She was a vision and a perfect tiny version of Belle. The yellow ball gown fit like a glove and she had the tiara and sequence Mary Jane’s to match. 

“Come on Dad, come on! There won’t be any candy left.”

He chuckled, “It’s okay Princess. There will be plenty of candy.”

Based on her level of excitement he expected to see Kylie explode out the door and run to the neighbor’s house like she had done the previous Halloween. However, she slowly made her way down the front porch stairs. Each step was a struggle. She would take a step with her right leg and then drag the left behind.

Kylie slowly made her way to the house next door where her friend Gracie lived.

“Trick or treat?” She yelled when Gracie’s dad opened the door.

He smiled, “What a beautiful princess. I didn’t expect a visit from Belle tonight.”

Kylie giggled, “It’s me Mr. Thompson! Kylie!”

“Oh my, I didn’t realize it was you. Well Kylie, you are a beautiful princess,” he said as he dropped a piece of candy into her orange pumpkin.

Kylie and her father visited a few more houses. With each step she moved a little slower and smiled a little less. Finally, she turned to her dad with an exhausted face.

“Daddy, can you carry me?”

“Of course princess.” He lifted her up and carried her to the next front porch. He set her down and Kylie limped to the door. She mustered enough energy and knocked.

“Trick or treat,” she whispered. By this time even her voice seemed tired.

After she received the candy, Kylie turned to her dad and motioned for him to come closer.

She leaned into his ear and whispered, “I just want to go home. This isn’t fun anymore.”

He scooped her up into his arms and she nestled into his chest. He could feel the warmth of her breath and the wetness of her tears as they walked home. He started to cry. They could no longer ignore the symptoms. They needed to find someone to help Kylie.

Halloween 2011 - MacKenna & Mason (my niece and nephew)

Be the Change You Want to See in the World

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” ~ Gandhi

I have a story playing over and over in my head. I saw something that I will never forget. It quite possibly has changed my life forever...

But before I explain, I should probably tell you a little bit more of what I have been up to. I moved to New York in early June. I am going back to school full-time in September for Mind-Body Wellness and I am also a full-time nanny. I live with my lifelong friends, Tammy and Keith, and watch over their amazing son Elijah, who is eight months old.

It’s funny how life works…I openly admit that I used to have an adverse reaction to children and often wondered if I ever wanted any of my own. But then along came my niece MacKenna. I quickly realized how amazing children are and how quickly I could fall in love with a young soul. And with all her trials and tribulations in the recent year or so, she continues to amaze me.

When I moved back from New Zealand and moved to Park City, I quickly realized that my ski bum job was not going to pay the bills. In turn, I started working for Park City Sitters. During the short winter season, I babysat for close to 40 different families and started to realize that I was actually pretty good with kids. Then along came the opportunity to help raise Eli, and I thought why not move to New York City and take my courses from there?!

So rewind to the month of June…I was taking the subway into Manhattan to meet up with some friends. The doors opened and on stepped a mother with her son in the baby bjorn. Being a nanny, it grabbed my attention because I seem to be drawn to babies. At first glance all seemed normal. But once the doors shut, the woman pulled out a cardboard sign and started to make her way through the subway car. She was in her late thirties, her clothes soiled and her face very tired.

Her sign read, “Speak very little English. Homeless. Need money to feed my baby. God Bless.”

She passed by me and I saw that her son was not much older than Eli. He stared at me with his big brown eyes, they were tired too, but they still sparkled. He giggled and smiled to reveal his baby teeth. And then, I realized his caramel colored face was covered with infected sores. My heart broke. I reached into my purse and pulled out the little money I had. She nodded and smiled. When the train came to a stop she stepped off and onto the next car.

Panhandlers are a common occurrence on the subway. One can easily become desensitized to them, but not when you see a small child suffering in such a way. My pocket change was only a small way to help.

It makes you realize how lucky you are. Eli is lucky to have amazing parents and he never wants for anything. He has clothes, food, shelter and love. We are blessed.

It also reminds me that I want to “be the change I want to see in the world.”  Perhaps there’s a purpose for me changing careers, being a nanny and seeing that baby on the train. Other than my small donation, there isn’t anything I can do to help him now, but he has changed my life forever and maybe I am on a path to help others. Who knows.

L to R: MacKenna, Me, Tammy & Elijah

Brooklyn, Brooklyn Take Me In

It's that time again.
Boxes are packed.
Gas in the car.
My mind focused on the next destination. Brooklyn, New York.
It's time to say goodbye to Park City, which has been my home since November.
This place is special to me for so many reasons and leaving is bittersweet.
I want to thank the Avett Brothers for their lyrical genius and eloquently stating what is on my mind and in my heart.

"I and Love and You"
By The Avett Brothers


Load the car and write the note
Grab your bag and grab your coat
Tell the ones that need to know
We are headed north


One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay, to live like that
So i cut the ties and i jumped the tracks
For never to return


Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in
Are you aware the shape I'm in
My hands they shake my head it spins
Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in


When at first I learned to speak
I used all my words to fight
With him and her and you and me
Oh but its just a waste of time
Yeah its such a waste of time


That woman she's got eyes that shine
Like a pair of stolen polished dimes
She asked to dance I said it's fine
I'll see you in the morning time


Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in
Are you aware the shape im in
My hands they shake my head it spins
Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in


Three words that became hard to say
I and love and you
What you were then, I am today
Look at the things I do


Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in
Are you aware the shape I'm in
My hands they shake my head it spins
Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in


Dumbed down and numbed by time and age
Your dreams to catch the world, the cage
The highway sets the travelers stage
All exits look the same


Three words that became hard to say
I and love and you
I and love and you
I and love and you

What Happens in Moab Stays in Moab

I know I've dreamed you a sin and a lie
I have my freedom but I don't have much time
Faith has been broken tears must be cried
Let's do some living after we die
Wild horses, couldn't drag me away
Wild horses we'll ride them someday
~Rolling Stones

With only a few weeks remaining of the winter season, my flatmate Megan and I decided we needed a mini-vacation and a break from Park City. We packed up the Xterra with all the essentials (sleeping bags, beer and Megan's paper map) and were on our way. At the last minute, our co-worker Jim decided to join us...so the three of us loaded into Black Beauty and started the 4 1/2 hour drive South to Moab.

I think the first lesson I learned on this trip is to never trust directions given by your co-pilot that has been pre-gaming. This will result in a 40-minute detour and get you to your final destination around midnight. But even with a late start, mis-guided route and a snow storm...we made it to Moab in one piece. We battled the wind and used headlamps to set up camp that evening, but in the end I opted to passout and sleep in the back of the Xterra. 

The temperatures dropped that evening and we awoke to see that snow had fallen overnight. For anyone who knows Moab, you know that it is rare for it to snow in the desert. However, the cold weather didn't slow us down. That day we went to Arches National Park, which is the world's largest concentration of natural sandstone arches. Arches is on of the most photographed places in the entire world, but it is easy to see why...it is undescribably beautiful. But I do have to say, every sculpture either looked like a nose or a phallic symbol. After a "strenuous" day of hiking and photo-taking, we opted to visit Moab Brewery Company. There's nothing like drinking some Lizard Ale after a day of hiking and toasting to "calling the lizard."

The next day we made our way to two national parks. Our first stop was Dead Horse National Park. The views were absolutely amazing and you feel like you are standing on top of the world. Legend has it, that in the l800s wild mustang herds were common in that area. The peninsula in Dead Horse National Park, which is 2000 feet above the Colorado River, was used to corral and capture them behind a 50 ft. fence at the neck of the formation. One time a herd of unwanted horses was left out there and they died of thirst. Although tragic, this story really struck a chord with me. Lesson learned...you should never try to tame or corral a wild horse (read between the lines.)

Later that day we drove to Canyonlands National Park. Although the roads are straight and narrow, you have to be careful not to speed. Not because of speed traps, but the roads leading into the parks are fence less pastures and it is not uncommon to see livestock standing in the middle of the road. Canyonlands was breathtaking as well. Each view was epic and warranted at least 10-15 pictures.

The third lesson we learned, was to never visit Moab during Jeep Safari week. Accomodation is limited and the town is busy as. Although it was crazy around town, we decided to stay an extra day.  We were on a mission to find a new place to rest our heads. We were tempted to give in and spend a little extra for a bed and hot shower, but Jim persuaded us to find a campsite out in the wild. After many, "sorry, no room at the inn. Don't you know it's Jeep Safari week?!" responses, we took the recommendation of a local and found the most amazing "free" campsite. It was called Moonflower Camping Area and is located inside of a canyon. We hiked into the canyon along a creek and found the last remaining site. Jim did an amazing job of setting up the tent and building the fire, whilst Megan and I did the shopping. We had an amazing night under the stars filled with laughter, smores and LOTS of hot dogs!

After the most epic night of camping, the next day we headed into town for our first real coffee in days and devised a plan for rafting the Colorado River. I was reluctant at first, but after so many "trust-me's" from Jim I was convinced to bypass the rafting company, rent our own raft, strap it to the car, hitchhike and guide ourselves down the river. And boy, am I glad we did! Whitewater rafting with friends, a cooler filled with beer and as many pee-breaks as you want is the way to go.

Moab was amazing! It might be one of my favorite destinations in all of the U.S. You can't help but feel a sense of freedom whilst in Moab. And you definitely can't help but do a little living before you die.

Delicate Arch, Arches National Park - April 2012

Mutant Message Down Under

It’s hard to believe, but I left for New Zealand one year ago today. At the time, I felt very lost and confused. Leaving the country and embarking on an amazing adventure was the only thing that felt right. Before I left a friend recommended that I read the book, “Mutant Message Down Under” by Marlo Morgan. It is a fictionalized account of a "walkabout" the author took in the Australian Outback with a group of Aborigines.

According to Encarta World English Dictionary, “a walkabout is journey through bush: an extended journey on foot through a remote area made by an Australian Aboriginal wishing to experience or return to a traditional way of life and to traditional beliefs.” The author is invited to join the Real People tribe as they make their way across Australia. Morgan gives insight into the tribal ways and relays strong messages of how this misunderstood culture and way of life could actually be a better way for us all to live.

My friend recommend this book to me at the time because she believed I was about to go on my own version of a “walkabout.” Ironically, it wasn’t until I arrived in Park City that I actually found the time to read it. However, now I can look back on my New Zealand experience and can relate to the author on so many levels. Not only did I just live down under and was exposed to this world, but I to am on a spiritual journey. Based on recent events in my life, the chapter titled “Totems” struck a chord with me. In the book, Morgan asked the tribe about their relationship with the animal kingdom. The tribe member replied, “We are all one. Learning strength from weakness.” The example of the snake was quite potent and timely, so I have decided to share it with you.

“The slithering snake is a learning tool when we observe its frequent removal of the outer skin. Little is gained in a lifetime if what you believe at age seven is still how you feel at age thirty-seven. It is necessary to shed old ideas, habits, opinions, and even companions sometimes. Letting go is sometimes a very difficult human lesson. The snake is no lesser nor greater for shedding the old. It is just necessary. New things cannot come where there is no room. He looks and feels younger when he strips himself of old baggage. He isn’t younger, of course. The Real People laughed because keeping track of age seems senseless to this tribe. The snake is a master of charm and power. Both are good to have but can be destructive when they become overwhelming. Real People respect the snake’s need for privacy in the same way each of them requires some time alone.”

I can relate to the snake and have recently shed my skin. It was difficult, but just part of my journey. So I will continue to slither through life displaying my power and charm along the way.



E noho rā Aotearoa, Kia ora Park City (Goodbye New Zealand, Hello Park City)

You don't have to be afraid of change. You don't have to worry about what's being taken away. Just look to see what's been added.
~Jackie Greer

It seems like only yesterday that I was selling lift tickets, rental gear and ski lessons to guests at Mount Ruapheu. The Southern hemisphere winter season went by in a blink of an eye. Two months later it's amazing how much has changed, yet how so many things remain the same. I am in a different hemisphere, but still working on a mountain doing the same job in the same uniform with just a different logo.

It's a funny story how I ended up in Utah. One day I was at Mt Ruapehu and I overheard my Kiwi co-worker, Carmeny, talking about applying for a visa so she could go to the States and work at a ski resort. I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself upon my return, so I thought it couldn't hurt to apply and have a job lined up when I got back to the States. Within a week, I had two interviews and a job offer at Canyons. Only two months later, I now live with Carmeny, her boyfriend Boulton and Boulton's friend, Will, in a two bedroom apartment in Park City. Who would have ever thought I would end up here?! I certainly didn't! However, that is the beauty of not having a plan and just letting the wind take you to the next destination.

It was a bittersweet feeling leaving New Zealand. Aotearoa had become a home to me. I loved the people, my job and the beautiful countryside. It's hard to leave such a magical place, but all good things must come to an end. During my last three weeks in New Zealand, I travelled around the North and South Island. From Cape Reinga (the northwesternmost tip of the Aupouri Peninsula) to the Mildford Sound (in the South Island), I was able to see the most beautiful things imaginable, including penguins in their natural habitat! Some other highlights of the road trip included hiking the Franz Josef Glacier, tubing in the Waitomo underground caves, hiking to the top of various mountains to see the most spectacular views and stuffing my face with a Fergburger in Queenstown. It was a perfect way to end my time in New Zealand. Unfortunately, the sadness and anxiety kicked in the minute I landed in L.A. The vibe was disappointingly different. People were rude, everyone was in a hurry and the air even felt heavier. Perhaps that was just in my mind, but it definitely felt different.

I spent a week in the Pacific Northwest (Portland and Seattle.) It was great to catch up with old friends, try some new restaurants, drink lattes from my favorite spots; but it was a bizarre feeling to be a visitor in my former life. Coming back to the States has been a difficult transition. However, I can't beat myself up about it because in a short amount of time I've had to say goodbye to all of my NZ friends, do an International move, live out of a suitcase (or 3 in my case) for a month, drive cross country, move to a new city, move into an apartment with new roommates, start a new job and meet a completely new group of people! New is always exciting, but I often forget how stressful the transition period can be. But as Jackie Greer said, it's important not to focus on what you have lost but rather what has been added to your life.

Park City seems like a great place to call home for the time being. I have already met a ton of great people, scoped out my favorite new coffee shop (Atticus) and have done some riding on the slopes of Utah. The best part about being back in the states is that I get to fly home tomorrow and see my family! I can't wait to see MacKenna (my niece) and meet Mason (my nephew.) We are celebrating Christmas quite early this year, but being able to see them is the greatest gift I could ever wish for!

As a chapter of my life comes to an end in 2011, I am quite excited to see what's in store for 2012. As the new year approaches, I am just going to keep an open mind, continue to be flexible and welcome change and new experiences. John Lennon said it best, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

Happy Holidays!

Milford Sound, South Island, New Zealand

There Must Be Something in the Water

Knowing others is intelligence.  
Knowing yourself is true wisdom.
- Lao Tse


Almost six months ago I was sitting at the Portland Airport with my dear friend Kate preparing to leave for New Zealand. We laughed, we cried, we drank and we said good-bye. As I said farewell to my amazing friends and a city I loved, I was torn whether or not I was making the right decision to quit my career and head to a country where I had limited contacts and resources. Alan Alda once said, "You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.  What you'll discover will be wonderful.  What you'll discover is yourself." I finally understand what he is talking about.


My time in New Zealand has been filled with amazing adventures, beautiful scenery and colorful characters. The last six months has challenged me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. My personal relationships, financial stability and mental toughness have all been put to the test. I have had to learn to be flexible to the point I thought I was going to break. I have had to learn to take charge of my own destiny by finding jobs, a place to live and transportation. And I have also had to learn that the one voice I should listen to is my heart.


I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. If you would have told me six months ago that I would be living in a town of 1,000 people, working at a ski resort while taking online courses for my Mind-Body Wellness Practitioner degree, balancing travel and a pretty active social life, I probably would laughed and thought it was impossible. I was hopeful that all of these would happen, but I was at a pretty low place and never imagined this could be my life.


Sometimes I feel like my life is a movie (with a badass soundtrack), because I didn't believe that after all that I have been through emotionally and physically that I could be so happy and truly feel at peace with my life. Perhaps wisdom, self-confidence and happiness comes with age…I don't know, but something has clicked with me the past few weeks and my perspective of life has changed forever. This new found peace happens to coincide with starting my online course and also developing some great friendships, but this new mindset is something that is here to stay.


I just completed my first contract at Mt. Ruapehu so I had a week of before the season starts. I took the opportunity to do a little bit of traveling. I went to Taupo for a few days with a friend and enjoyed some outdoor activities and lots of laughs and thoughtful conversation. I then headed to Wellington for the rest of the week with my new flatmate James. He competed in the 48 Hour Film Festival in Wellington and his film won Best Editing and 2nd Runner up in the Welly competition. We enjoyed a few days of cafe culture, lattes and crazy nights out. While in Wellington, I stayed in a hostel and met an amazing woman from Argentina. She was my travel buddy and we hiked to the top of Mt Victoria, explored Te Papa Museum, attended yoga and of course hit up the bar for cocktails (with cucumber!) My mini-holiday was just what the doctor ordered. I felt refreshed and ready to come back to Ohakune for an epic season on the mountain.


I think the best part about my new found happiness and confidence, is that I can already see it rubbing off on other people in my life. Perhaps making others happy and inspiring them is what fills up my soul. There must be something in the Ohakune water…whatever it is…I am going to drink it up! New Zealand has been a wonderful part of my journey. I hate to think that I already have to leave in five months, but it will just mean I am starting a new, exciting chapter of my life.


I want to thank you all for your friendship and support over my lifetime. My friends and family are truly the ones who have allowed me to get to this point in my life. I could never have done it alone!


I am going to leave you with a few thoughts from Eleanor Roosevelt.
"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart, If someone betrays you once, it is his fault; if he betrays you twice, it is your fault. Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself."

It's the End of the World As We Know It

Life is not a journey to the grave
With the intention of

Arriving safely in an attractive

And well preserved body,

But rather to skid in sideways,

Chocolate in one hand,

Wine in the other,

body thoroughly used up,

totally worn out and screaming

"WOO HOO what a ride!"

Last Monday at 10:04pm I was sitting on my bed and it began to shake. It felt as though someone was jumping on the bed and then my heater began to sway back and forth. My heart dropped and I was a little freaked out. The next day I checked Geonet.co.nz and discovered that there had been a 3.3 magnitude earthquake in Ohakune with a depth of 20km. This is the third earthquake that I have experienced since I arrived in New Zealand, one in Christchurch three days before the big one hit in February and two since I have been in Ohakune. Out of curiosity, I did a little research and discovered that New Zealand has around 15,000 earthquakes each year but only 250 of them are strong enough to be felt by the average person.

In the same week that I felt an earthquake, the 89-year-old fundamentalist from Florida (who has a track record of inaccurate predictions) announced that a series of earthquakes originating in New Zealand would sweep the earth and it would be the end of the world as we know it. So like many of Kiwis, I picked up a bottle of wine and hit up two birthday parties on Saturday night. As we sat on the patio around a log fire, one of the party-goers checked his watch around 10:10pm and declared, "We're still here!" Everyone laughed off the absurd claim made by Mr. Camping and continued to sip their cocktails late into the night.

Like many others, I am quite happy that there was no validity to the Doomsday prediction. However after being in a country that is trying to rebuild after a devastating earthquake and feeling one myself earlier in the week, I can't help but think about the end. It is just a reminder that life is precious and we should not take anything for granted. "Doomsday" should remind us all that we need to live each day to the fullest and live without regret. It is also important to tell the special people in your life that you love them. So even though I am on the other side of the world from those I love and in the epicenter of the supposed destruction, I will just remind myself how lucky I am. I have amazing people in my life and I have had so many amazing life experiences.  

So if there was no tomorrow, I could truly say that I died a happy young woman and lived a blessed life. I definitely will be able to scream, "What a ride!"

Where Adventure Begins

Haere hoki ki o maunga…kia mau ai te rongo pai he mea paihere na te rangimarie.
Return to your sacred peaks…spread the good news and cement all deeds with peace.

Change is inevitable, and if I have learned anything during my time in New Zealand it is that change happens quickly and things seem to fall into place. A little over two weeks ago, I had to say a lot of goodbyes to many special people including my amazing friends at Seeka, my awesome roommates at the Mount and my dear friends Laura and Mike. I always hate saying goodbye, but goodbyes tend to mean I am moving on to a new exciting chapter in my life!

A few weeks ago I was offered a position at Mt Ruapehu (pronounced "roo-a-pe ("e" as in egg) -hoo) for the winter season. I packed up my life at the Mount and hopped on the Intercity bus for the four hour ride to Ohakune, the Carrot Capital of New Zealand. When I arrived in Ohakune, Donelle (Mt Ruapehu HR Assistant) and her boyfriend Denim (Ski Patrol) picked me up at the bus station and brought me to my new home. My flatmate is Wal Wood and he is a mechanic at Mt Ruapehu. He has worked at the resort for 10 seasons and typically gets new flatmates every season. Wal welcomed me to the new flat by offering me a beer the minute I walked in the door…classic! That evening we hit the town for drinks with his friends and then hit up a spa party (hot tub party) hosted at a local lodge by some of the Mt Ruapehu staff members. I met so many cool people my first weekend here, so I am quite excited to work with them all. Ohakune may be a small town, but I have heard it comes alive in the winter. And if my first evening here is any indication of the fun to come, then I think I am in for a great 2011 season on the mountain.

Speaking of the mountain, I think I will give you a little history lesson on my new "home." In September 1887 the sacred mountain peaks of Ruapehu (2797m), Ngauruhoe (2290m) and Tongariro (1968m) were gifted to the people of New Zealand by the Paramount Chief of Ngati Tuwharetoa, Horonuku Te Heu Heu Tukino. The gift formed the nucleus of the Tongariro National Park (TNP), the first in New Zealand. TNP covers approximately 75,000 hectares and is home to some of the world's most violent volcanos, because of the line of weakness in the earth's crust that was formed when the Indo-Australian and Pacific plates collided. It sort of reminds me of home (Portland), because we too are part of the 'Pacific Ring of Fire.' This region plays a very important part in the Maori culture and is considered to be a very spiritual and magical place.

Mt Ruapehu is the highest point in the North Island and for you other LOTR geeks, is home of key scenes from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The Whakapapa Ski Area is located on the north side and are traditional lands of the Ngati Tuwharetoa people. I currently work as a Season Pass Customer Service Rep prior to the season at Whakapapa. I enjoy working in the pre-season because I am getting to meet the locals and getting to know the full-time staff. I am also learning a lot about the ski areas, which will be helpful once the season starts.

Turoa Ski Area is located on the southern slopes and are traditional lands of the Ngati Rangi and Ngati Uenuku people. Once the season starts in the end of June, I will be working part time in Customer Service and part-time in retail at Turoa. I love it, because I will get the opportunity to work with several departments and alternate my job responsibilities on a daily basis. I have also met some great people through work, including T-Ha who is my new dinner and exploring buddy!

The landscape is stunning and it is mind-blowing(no pun intended) that I work on a live volcano. On my first day, the mountain road was closed to the public because of bad weather conditions. However, we forged ahead and made it to the top of the mountain to our office. It was so windy, that we ended up losing power and had to run off of generators. It delayed my training, but as soon as we were back up and running the managers had us start talking orders and dealing with customers. We just jumped right in, but I think that is the best way to learn! During my second day of work, we had an induction with HR (Donelle.) A large portion of the training was about avalanche and volcano hazards and safety procedures. Both are serious concerns for working on the manual and my training manual even says, "Yes, you have been chosen and have accepted to work on what is considered an active volcano." I just finished my second week of work and I love it. Our projected opening day at Turoa is June 25 and with the way time is flying, that is going to be here before I know it.

I am most excited about boarding in the backcountry. Mt Ruapehu has more chair access to backcountry than any other resort in the world. Ski Patrol offers courses in backcountry safety, so I can't wait to sign up and hit up the backcountry. I have also been told that the peak is very walkable, so I look forward to strapping on my board and riding the top level terrain. I have always wanted to do this, but now it is at my finger tips (and FREE!)

So things are off to a good start…it should be a great season at Mt Ruapehu!

Save the Date

Life is not measured by the 

number of breaths we take,
but by the number of moments 

that take our breath away.

It is rare for me to get mail, so you can imagine my excitement when I came home from work this week and saw a letter on my bed. I quickly ripped open the envelope to find a "save the date" card for Courtney's wedding (my former boss and amazing friend.) Congrats Cor! I am so happy for you!

For some reason, that "save the date" stirred up some emotions in me and got the wheels turning in my head. It made me think about how our lives are a series of "dates" and important events that often follow a particular order. Babies are born, we celebrate their first birthday, we celebrate their first day of school, darn they grow up fast and now they are graduating from high school and marching to "Pomp and Circumstance", then they are off to college, how four years fly and they graduate from college and get their first job in the "real" world, they meet a nice boy or girl, get married, buy a house, have kids, then the cycle starts all over again and then we die. The Germans refer to it as "the system." My friend Stephanie from work, said that in Germany you have to be part of the system or you will be "lost" and won't get a good job or be successful. In Germany, they put kids on a track in school at a very early age. At age 10 (4th grade), they already decide what type of school the "kinder" will attend and thus determine what type of career they will have as adults. I thank my lucky stars that I was born in the U.S. because I wasn't the strongest student growing up. If I had been on a particular track, I may have never gone to college and had as many opportunities that I have. I am so glad that I was able to work hard and choose my own path.

Many of my friends are celebrating milestones and specials occasions in their lives. Weddings, homes, babies…all very exciting things. But every time I get the exciting news from someone, it makes me realize how different my life is and how I am not part of the system anymore. I was, I definitely was…graduated in the top of my high school class, went to college and graduated Summa Cum Laude, had impressive internships, had a great job and at one point was on the track to a marriage and house. But sometimes the system is broken and it doesn't feel right. Instead of being part of the system, I decided to follow my heart and leave the routine behind. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. And you know what? I am am completely okay with that! I recently decided that I am going to start taking online classes at the South West Institute of Healing Arts in Arizona. I found something that interests me at the school, so I am going to take classes simply because I want to. Just like how I am in Taupo right for an interview for the Mount Rupheau Ski Resort. I need a job, so I thought why not work at a ski resort , get a free season pass and have easy access to something I love to do. And I am happy to announce, that 10 minutes into the interview they offered me a job and I start next week. That means within the next few days I need to pack, find a new place to live and find a mode of transportation. Crazy stuff! So as you see, life isn't about being on a track anymore…it's about dabbling. Life is like a buffet, so why not try a little bit of everything?!

I am sure at some point in my life I may celebrate the "special dates" that Hallmark makes millions on. Maybe I will get married to my life partner in a beachside wedding, maybe I will pop out a couple little monkeys, perhaps I will get my lab and house (or loft) with hardwood floors and brick walls. I am excited about these moments, but I am doing my best to put them into perspective. By that I mean, I have heard so many people say that their wedding day was the happiest day of their lives. I get it, it's your day, you are marrying the one you love and all your loved ones are their to celebrate with you…of course that sounds amazing! As I look back on my life, I have so many days filled with happiness and they weren't necessarily days that I planned for my whole life. The day I climbed La Tour Eiffel with Mindy, the day I tackled Tammy while snowshoeing in Colorado, the day I went sledding with Shelley, MacKenna and my Mom in Wisconsin, the day my Portland family rented a cabin and made our own Christmas stockings, the day Team Bridget/Amy took on Team Marty/Mac in an interpretative dance competition, the random day Marty and I got in the car and drove around the state of Washington for 18 hours just to see the sites, the day my NZ family went hiking and climbed through a mudslide and waded through a river….those were all just random days in my life, but those are my "save the dates." 

So save the date, mark it on the calendar, cherish the big moments, but never forget to enjoy the small ones too. Those random days that are filled with laughter, tears and smiles are the ones you will remember and cherish when all is said and done.

Mount Ruapehu

The Amazing Faces of Oakside

Travel not only stirs the blood...It also gives strength to the spirit.
~Florence Prag Kahn

My hands and arms are covered in bruises and cuts. My back hurts and my legs are tired. 11-hour shifts, six days a week and all for a measly $13.00 NZ dollars an hour. I never in a million years thought that I would be in New Zealand packing fruit, but I wouldn't have it any other way. There is nothing glamorous about being a kiwifruit packer and some days are unbearable. However, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything for one simple reason...the people. In my short time at Oakside, I have met some amazing people from all over the world. I am learning about different cultures and I am learning to speak a few different languages in exchange for helping my new friends with their English. Rather than me telling you about each of them, I thought I would let them tell you in their own words.

Hola! Mi nombre es Carmen Maria Alvarez Rodriguez y soy de Meico, naci en el D.F., pero vivo en Torreon que es en el norte. Me encanta viajar, conocer nuevas culturas y gentre y algun dia me encantaria escribir un libro.
(Hi! My name is Carmen Maria Alvarez Rodriguez and I am from Mexico. I was born in D.F., but I live in Torreon, which is in the north. I love traveling, meeting new cultures and people and one day I would love to write a book.)

Hallo, Hoe gain ditto. My naam is Kate Grant. Ek is van Suid Afrika AF. Ek is die enigeste kind en my family en ditto is nie so lekko nie. My verjaarsdag is ap die 25 April zdi en sisal 27 ewes. Ek hoop my Afrikaans is reg. Want ek ka nie dak nie en my had is see anti ek het kiwis gepok.
(Hello, how are you? My name is Kate Grant. I am from South Africa. I am the only child in my family and it is not so nice. My birthday is the 25th of April and I will be 27. I hope my Afrikaans is good enough because I can't think or write properly because I have been packing kiwifruit.)

Hallo, alles goed? Mijn naam is Martijn Robert en ik hom muit Nederland. Reizen voor mij is een instelling.
(Hi, how are you? My name is Martijn Robert and I'm from Holland. Traveling to me is an attitude. Peace!!)

Hola, mi nombre es Geri! Soy de Argentina, Cordoba! Tenes que visitar Cordoba! Estas invitada! Ya tenes casa en donde Quedarte! Es un gusto haberte conocido Amy! Tenemos que organizer una comdia todo juntos así nos conocemos mas. Fuera del ámbito de los kiwis!! Espero poder viajar y conocer mucho mas de NZ! Y quien sabe, capas que podemoa hacerco juntas! Un beso!
(Hello, my name is Geri! I'm from Argentina, Cordoba! You should visit Cordoba! You are invited! You have a house you where you can stay! It is a pleasure to have met you Amy! We must organize a dinner all together so we can get to know each other outside of the kiwi ambiance! I hope to travel and know more about NZ! And who knows, maybe we can do it together! Kisses!)

Hallo Amy, Mein Name ist Stephanie Galtz und ich komme aus einer kleinen Stadt im nördlichen Duestchland au der Ostsee. Wir Kennen Uhus vou der Arbeit bei Oakside. Wenn du dieses Buch nocheinmal liest kannst du dich bestimmt an das Mädchen erinnern, die mit ihrem Freund im Van geschlafen hat. Ich wuensche dir noch eine wunderschöne Zeit in Neuseeland! Liebe Gruesse, Stephanie
(Hello, my name is Stephanie Glatz and I living in a little town North of Germany on the East coast. We know each other from the work at Oakside and we are packing neighbors. When you read this again you will remember me as the little girl with her friend and slept in a van. I wish you a beautiful time in New Zealand! Nice regards, Stephanie.)


My co-workers are all amazing people. I find spending the long days at the packhouse with them is very inspirational. Being in this type of environment makes me want to spend the rest of my life traveling. We live in a very big world and there is so much to see. Caskie Stinnett once said, "I travel a lot; I hate having my life disrupted by routine." I couldn't agree more! Although there is a little more routine in my life right now because I punch a clock, things are ever-changing. With each new experience, each new situation and every new person I meet...I grow as a person.

Carmen also shared her favorite quote with me and I think it is very fitting (especially since we are in Middle Earth.)  "Not all those who wander are lost." J.R.R Tolkien.